In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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