Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
