i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
