I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
