Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
