He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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