No stitches, just platelets and will power
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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