I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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