Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
where am i from again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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