just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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