While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
