new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
