He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
