You just made me feel so damn special
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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