We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
