Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
