Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
