when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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