Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
