i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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