She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
