she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
