There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
