He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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