my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
