you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
