It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I intend to get homeless drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
