it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
