Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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