who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
