i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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