When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
