mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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