she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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