Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize