We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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