i think my mom watched the whole time
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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