I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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