That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
