Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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