I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
