I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
