forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
