He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
