your parents love me but you hate me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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