mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
