I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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