Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
