my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
