Can i not drive my cunt home
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
