do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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