Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
