who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
